venting frustrations

Last night was partial fail for stupid stupid reasons and I need to vent. I had knitting night so did not get home until 10:30pm. When I did get home, I was pumped up and ready to exercise! We didn't get 20 minutes through playing DDR before the bf starts complaining...

He doesn't like the songs with a lot of jumping because it hurts his feet. We're using StepMania version 4.0 alpha, and it has a different look from the older versions of StepMania. He doesn't like it so I had to search for a different skin for it. He was tired because he hadn't eaten dinner yet and he thought we were going to eat dinner first before exercising. x____x We ended up going to In-n-Out at 12:30am so he could grab a bite to eat. I had a protein-style hamburger because I was kind of hungry too. I didn't get to sleep until 2am last night.

I lectured him last night over not eating dinner. I had some soup and bread before going to knitting night and I expect him to be able to feed himself something when I'm not there (it's not like knitting night is something new). I told him we were going to play DDR for an hour after I got back from knitting night and for some reason he assumed we would be eating dinner first. It was incomprehensible to me - if you're trying to lose weight, you shouldn't eat dinner so soon before going to sleep. He knows this. Exercising also increases your heart rate and blood flow so you're not likely to fall asleep immediately afterward. I'll give him this one because he says he sleeps best immediately after exercising. But then, he also said he doesn't take me seriously when I say I need to go to sleep earlier because I'll often be energetically work on a project until 3-4am. The point is I shouldn't be doing that...I don't get enough sleep and I end up being tired and grumpy all day. Also, getting enough sleep is essential for weight loss.

I felt bad because he looked so sad; it was like scolding a puppy. :( Buttt, I really hate it when I'm all set to actually do something I should be doing and then somehow get prevented from doing it!! I also feel like I'm the only one who is trying to be pro-active about all of this. When we discussed marriage and my relations with his family, he mentioned my weight as one of the issues his family will have with me if we ever officially go that route. I can understand that - I can't control the opinions of his family but I can work to control my body. Also, a few months ago he actually lectured ME about losing weight, saying I wasn't taking it seriously, questioning whether paying for training was actually effective and saying I should be doing more on my own. I took it to heart because I knew I should have been doing more cardio on my own time. Working out 2 nights a week, even if they are tough workouts, is not enough.

The problem is, he never does anything to help.

We had food at home last night, he just didn't eat any of it because it wasn't stuff he likes...apparently he won't eat noodles and the veggies in the fridge don't count as food. For some reason he couldn't buy his own meat because he doesn't know what to cook. Well, surprise! I meal plans don't automatically pop into my head either! I'm just getting really fed up with it because he always tells me to decide because he doesn't know. But, he's extremely capricious and considers himself a better cook than me. I can't plan anything ahead of time because he'll feel like something now, but later he won't. Stuff that I cook is "weird" because I like to try different combinations whereas he likes to stick to classic recipes. I definitely do not know as much about cooking as he does, but somehow I'm always the one initiating the meal cooking. He says he could eat rice every day....well we've got a rice cooker and a giant bag of rice. He can cook rice better than me anyway, why doesn't he cook his rice?? No meat to eat it with? Gahhh, go BUY some. Don't know what to get? Well, I never do either! Figure it out! Hey, maybe it will actually come out cooked right if you make it yourself! Why won't he try to problem solve this "issues"? Why does he end up whining to me about them after the fact?

Also, how the hell do you plan to lose weight if you always eat the same old shit that got you overweight in the first place? We both know how we need to improve our diets, but for some reason, I'm the only one trying to do it. We need a variety of fruits and vegetables but he only fruits he'll eat on his own are bananas. I've got a difficult enough time pulling my own weight through this, it makes it so much more difficult when he won't even bother to try!

I think that's enough venting. To end on a more positive note, even though he stopped going to the trainer with me, he has agreed to exercise on his own when I'm with Melody. He also DID agree to exercise this week and play DDR with me for an hour each night to make up for eating at IHOP at 2am the other night. He also woke up early with me the next day and dropped me off at the train station so I wouldn't have to walk there myself after getting too little sleep. This afternoon I'll give Lawrence a call to make sure he prepeares his meat and rice. When I get home, I'll cook up the vegetables and we'll be good to go. Hopefully. I feel bad because he felt bad. He was rather quiet and contemplative last night after In-n-Out and I guess he stayed up until 5am or so playing WoW because he couldn't fall asleep (I woke up and saw him at the computer).

people with a death wish

For the 2nd time in 2 weeks, an idiot has tried to drive across the rail tracks while the crossing lights are flashing and has consequently been plowed through by the Metro light rail train. In the 2nd incident, the arms were even down! The driver consciously drove around the arms, while the lights were flashing, to try to cross the tracks. Six people were injured, hundreds (thousands?) were delayed in getting where they needed to go, and millions were lost on a now severely damaged train. What the hell are these people thinking?