urges

Sometimes I get overwhelming urges.  When I decide I want to do something, I usually just do it because I know if I wait too long, I'll forget and then I'll regret it.  One of the things I hate the most is deciding to do something and then not following through on it (issues from my childhood).  However, sometimes I get urges to do things that take planning, long term commitment, or lots of invested time and money.  Some of these urges get acted on to my eventual benefit or detriment.

For example:
I've got a ton of straight knitting needles and random yarns I bought off eBay over 5 years ago that I will never use.  However, I am also now at least a moderately advanced knitter and crocheter.  I bought a rigid heddle table loom, cones of weaving yarn, a drop spindle, and I've attended spinning and dyeing classes.  I can't say I've spent much more than a few days doing either weaving or spinning.  I also have beads and wires squirreled away somewhere from my jewelry-making phase.

I've gone through phases where I really, REALLY, wanted to start roller blading again, buy and ride a bike, volunteer at a non-profit, join a common-interest social group, and raise a pet.

So what is it this time?  Well, this one has been re-occuring for a few years now.  I really want to learn the violin.  It would require time and money, but I've always loved violin music more than piano or erhu (apologies to my erhu teacher who is the sweetest person ever).  There was a phase when Lawrence bought a guitar and I thought I would try to learn that with him.  Lawrence also prefers the cello so I considered taking private group lessons with him to save on costs, but no.  What I really want is violin lessons.  Ugh, unfortunately our money is going towards other things right now.  Losing weight takes priority and I'm already paying for personal training sessions twice a week.  We're also trying to cut down on expensive food costs.  Even if I cut the personal trainer sessions, it wouldn't be prudent to instead spend the money on violin lessons.  If I'm working out and cooking dinner when I get home from work, I probably won't have time for practicing either.  SUCKY.

But I really want to learn to play the violin!  Of course, I also have to worry about how much I'm over-hyping it in my mind.  What if it turns out I just don't have a knack for it?  Would I then go try the cello?  I would like to be good at the drums.  No woodwinds or brass.  I don't have much lung power.  I feel like the problem with guitar is that it seems you're only playing chords to accompany your singing, which is the actual melody, and my singing sucks ballz.  Maybe I can do classical guitar!  That was actually what I wanted to do when Lawrence bought his electric guitar.

This is turning out way too long for a rant on how I want to play the violin.  Hah, this blog is like my whine-fest for stuff I don't actually want to whine about out loud.